The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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