i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
