My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
