Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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