I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
