Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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