The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
