when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
