I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
