Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
