There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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