Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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