Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize