Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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