why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
