Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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