if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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