Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
