I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize