the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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