i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
