I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
