sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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