guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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