I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We're too hungover to prance.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
