At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
