I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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