FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
