There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
