lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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