i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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