Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
