Non-Jews are for practice
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize