She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
