It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
