all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
