It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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