bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
