"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
