They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Please don't give away my fajitas
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
