yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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