you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
