dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
