Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
