Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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