so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
