My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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