I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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