She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
