she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
