Welp...herpes.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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