i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
