I wish my penis had an off switch
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
