There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
