i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
