It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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