First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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