Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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