Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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