I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i dont even know how to be here
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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