Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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