he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
