I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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