Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
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