Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
