yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
