I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
