you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
