so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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