so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
