Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
