when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
