can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I think my moral compass just broke
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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