I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We have started to decorate penises.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
