I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
