I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
