its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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