Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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