There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
