ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
