just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
