around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Operation Purity has been aborted
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
