Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
