A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
