Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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