I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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