How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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