I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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