i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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