My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
