people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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