as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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