I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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