so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i drank out of a bidet.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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