never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
