I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
