Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
