so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
well, you know. whores of a feather.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
