This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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